In short: I had an quarter-life crisis.
Since winter break, life has been simultaneously drawn out and a blur. I have begun my nursing program and my routine has become study, sleep, cry… and repeat! What a whirlwind.
Last semester was such a luxury. I had three classes and explored the city on the daily. Now, I've begun to wonder why I even live in the greatest city in the world when it looks like I'll be trapped inside with my nose in the books for the next 18 months.
Sigh.
But then there's those moment when you do go outside...
And the Chrysler building is just right. there.
I think back to when I was fifteen years old. I wanted so bad to be in college already. So I could do what I want, so I could date who I want, so I could live on my own, and never make my bed (because making a bed that you're just going to get back into that night is useless.)
Never did I ever imagine that at the mere age of twenty I would be living in the city of my dreams.
That I would be walking down the street on a cold night such as this with the best cup of hot chocolate in my hand, staring at the Chrysler building like it's no big deal.
Never did I ever imagine I would be riding with a car full of great friends in Queens looking back on the Manhattan skyline and think "Wow. I live there."
I flash back to a perfect night in Cedar Key, Florida. The last night of winter break before I flew back to the city. Staring at the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen.
I expressed my melancholy mood to my mom.
"It's like...
You're in Rome and you dream of New York
You're in New York and dream of Cedar Key
You're in Cedar Key and dream of New York…"
She told me this state was called discontentment with self.
So who am I, to be staring at my favorite building, living out my dream, and not loving every second of it?
That's just it. I don't know who I am.
I'm now in college. I don't have time to do what I want, my last concern is dating, I miss living with my family, and I make my bed almost every day...
Is there a conclusion to this blog other than "such is life"?
As humans, we are adapting creatures. I feel myself adapting. Sometimes, I take one step forward, and three steps back. What's important is that I continue stepping forward, no matter the drawbacks that come with life, because everything in life can be turned into a lesson.
And so I designate this the "T. Swift" stage of my life.
Just like her, I'm finding myself to be slowly falling in love with the city-- and with who I am becoming.
Peace and Love,
Miranda
P.S. I am no longer on social media (part of the early life crisis regime), so please leave any comments directly on the blog if you want me to see them :)
