OOTD

One of the great things about New York is you can literally wear whatever the heck you want. Yesterday, I was sick as a dog-- but in hopes of finding some truth in the saying "look good, feel good," I dressed up. 

My outrageously hoochy top is from GITI. The front is super cool, the back is a bit too much, but in fear that it would be the last hot day in the city, I wore it anyway.
My high waisted jeans are a steal from Pac Sun, I paid $9.99 for them at the beginning of the summer.
My boots were also a sales item at Pac Sun.

This earring set is from Forever 21. I love the top piece that wraps around your ear-- whenever I feel like it, I can act like I have more piercings than I actually do.

I kept my makeup simple. MAC's matchmaster foundation, Soft Brown on my eyes and for contouring, and a NYX mauve lip stick. 

 I'm in love with this new necklace from Forever 21. It has a nice thick chain and comes with a whole alphabet of letters so it can say whatever you want! Of course I went with Rambo.



Peace and Love,
Miranda

Dream Maker, You Heart Breaker

New York makes you think about a lot of things you never seem to think of elsewhere.
Like getting on the elevator going down when you really want to go up so as to escape the crowd behind you waiting on an up elevator-- or if the elevator does stop back on the lobby floor, at least having a guaranteed spot in that elevator.
Or wondering whether you should take the 25 minute bus ride, which involves virtually no walking; or the 20 minute subway alternative, involving about 5 blocks of walking.
And today, my wonderfully liberal school has me thinking about my dreams and whether they truly have meaning or not.

I've never been the one to think dreams mean anything, but I'm currently enrolled in a fascinating class called "While You Were Sleeping" that is making me second guess my original beliefs.

Do I think I'm a psychic? No

Do I think many of my dreams are inspired by my emotions? Yes
Think about it; dreams are essentially what our mind wanders to when not being told what to think by our ever controlling, perfection-seeking, worrying-what-others-think-and-how-we-appear mind. 
So, basically, what our inner most being is really thinking. 

Cool, right?

Now I'm not saying all dreams are based on emotion.
That's just my lame self. *sigh*

Side note: about once every two weeks I have the almost anger filled thought: why am I not a boy?
I'm convinced life would be easier.

Anyways, from my experience based on guy friends' accounts of dreams and gatherings of other male's dreams in this class; a whole lot of guys dream up action movies on the regular.

Like, are you kidding me?


But no, I'm not so fortunate.
My dreams are more or less, "Hey Miranda, I know you've tried to ignore this feeling deep inside you all day but here it is SUCKA!"
When I wake up I let the dreams hit me hard for just 2 minutes… 

then i realize

THE POINT:
This week, we were asked to start documenting our dreams and try to derive meanings from them.
My professor made sure to tell us that he doesn't believe these are necessarily signs from the universe or any crazy shenanigans but perhaps a message you are trying to tell yourself-- after all, it is YOUR brain.

So I took that concept and was like, "yeah-- makes since."
But I also didn't want to deny the times that people received prophecies or messages from God in the Bible through dreams.
So I drew the conclusion that during your typical night, dreams are just dreams and sometimes they reveal our inner emotions.


NO REALLY, THIS IS THE REAL POINT

I had a dream last night that ever-so-typically revealed my emotions to me.

Here's a peep into my dream log:


Day Events: class, talk with mom and cousin about coming to visit, watched news, went out for ramen, ice cream

Dream Question: forgot to ask one

Hours of Sleep: Bedtime: 10:45 PM     Wake: 8:00 AM

I dreamed that I was back home and was coming back to New York with some family.
I am going to the Gainesville airport with my father, mother, and cousin. Once we get to the security line, they will not let us in because Obama has shut down the airways because of ISIS.
A lady from my hometown church posts on my Facebook wall and says she can't wait to see me tomorrow at church.
My parents and I go to see a movie. The movie theater is very odd. I am on an escalator and my father is below me and it's almost like one of the subway ones that is very steep except I cannot see past my father.
We are back at the airport and a very small plane lands in this big plane garage type building (kind of like a marina boat storage building). He lands on two wheels and turns immediately. Then he walks off the plane as it is still moving and there is no covering to his plane. I tell my mom I would really love to learn to fly but not in that type of plane and I express that I believe the man is crazy for landing like that.
I ask my parents if they think I'll get back to New York soon because of the airways being closed. They aren't sure.

Identify
settings: Gainesville (home in general)
action metaphors: being at home showing that I'm missing home; flying back to New York showing that I am committed to my purpose here; ISIS on mind showing my concern with that situation-- also kind of illustrating a secured confidence in government in protecting us as best they can; people posting on my Facebook representing my constant support group that I tend to overlook; crazy small plane landing experience may represent the odd things I constantly see here in New York; commenting to mom re-estabishing the dreams I have for myself; going to see a movie with parents is not a common thing, focus on my dad perhaps showing how we are growing closer through this experience I'm in; tall escalator representing how I'm gradually letting go and growing further and further away from home, and dad standing in the way perhaps representing that I shouldn't look back but trust that my Father is right beside me and is there to catch me if I fall. Boldness of the pilot and his lack of protection perhaps representing the craziness of NYC and how they don't realize they need a protector. For some reason, New York is representing "home" in this dream-- asking my parents if I'll get back reflecting one of the biggest questions on my heart right now; whether I will return home or not (after this semester, after this year, after I graduate); the fact that my parents aren't sure represents that my heart isn't sure either. 



Do you see it?
I was typing all this stuff having a jolly old self-discovery time when it was like…

(Dad, I love you and I do think you have my back and that we are becoming closer.)
But suddenly I realized that my father in this dream had an alternative role. He was representing my heavenly father.


You know, I'm not a scientist.
In fact, sleep science is relatively new and nobody truly knows what the purpose of dreams really are.

But as my professor cleverly put it: "the brain does little things by accident."

And furthermore, I will add-- God does not do things by accident.

Just wanted to share with you the clever way God told me he's got my back 

:)

Diary of a Mad White Wom...girl

(September 5, 2014)

Today, I was told by a friend that it is essential that I sit down and figure out what I want in life.

What I want for myself.

Of the 20 years I've lived, I've always expected New York City to be my biggest and most fulfilling goal of life.

And here I am. Much earlier than I expected, in just that place.

And although I would agree that 14 days probably is not a justifiable amount of time to reach this conclusion, I have nevertheless concluded that I have no desire to live here the rest of my life.

And then the next morning I had a thought

This city is a place of opportunity, on so many different levels

And then the same afternoon I'm on a flight homeward bound. A round trip, with a flight destined to return to this hell hole on Monday. The big question, will I return with the plane?

I am at a big crossroad.

Like Broadway and 7th ave. 

Times Square.

My mind is racing in a million directions just like the people in that horridly overcrowded place.

One road leads to success, education, a job but perhaps- the biggest depression of my life.

The other road promises familiarity, NATURE, people that love me, and the biggest uncertainty of my life-- not following my dream.

I am in love with Rainbow River. I am in love with being a Florida Gator. I am in love with the muck fartish smell of Cedar Key. I am in love with God's greatest creation which in my opinion is the state of Florida.

And you know what I'm not in love with? I'm not in love with yankee men who dress like they're way too in touch with their feminine side. I'm not in love with man made parks that are only a square block big and are filled with the smell of urine and surrounded by 50 something story buildings. I'm not in love with the lack of manners and hospitality, even if I'm paying you 12 freaking dollars for my lunch AND tip. I'm not in love with the lack of privacy and down right claustrophobic society.

My God has made millions of places more beautiful than New York freaking City.

And what caused all of this?

When was the actual moment I decided to book a flight and run away?

The conclusion of the very first time I had watched Forest Gump all the way through-- approximately 12:35 this afternoon.

Maybe it was him running cross country, I was so envious of his views I could've screamed right there in the theater. 

So I went home. And I can't express to you how close I came to staying.

Sunday night, I went to sleep in my [king ;(] bed with full intentions of waking up the next morning and paying the College of Central Florida a visit, to enroll in their nursing program.

But Monday morning I woke up with a heavy feeling on my heart. A feeling that said "I know you're an emotional wreck right now but YOU MUST RETURN."

I let that feeling swell on me for about 2 minutes and then, naturally, ignored it and missed my flight back to the city, as planned.

But a couple hours later I spoke with my best friend on the phone and by the end of the conversation I knew I had to return. Everything Bonnie brought to the table during our conversation lined up with what was heavy on my heart when I woke up that morning.

I had made my decision; and an immense peace filled my spirit.

(present day)

New York is still tough. It didn't take an etiquette class over the weekend.

And I know all of this sounds like a silly girl overexercising her female prerogative to constantly change her mind...

But what happened Monday morning was a God thing, and I believe that with all my heart.

So,

I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways, I will acknowledge Him, and He shall direct my paths.

I'm exactly where God wants me right now. 

So yeah...