Or maybe I'm the only human being that feels this way.
Just for the record, God can speak to you while taking a bubble bath. And tonight during my bath, He reminded me to remember all the times He was faithful.
It didn't take long for me to realize, He's actually never failed me. I flashed back to some of my weakest moments and realized He was actually there in every moment-- patient as always, and intricately working every broken piece of my story that the enemy meant for my harm, into this beautiful masterpiece, all for my good.
It is with this perspective that I am able to look at the most difficult memories of my past which the enemy tries to use as evidence of God not caring, and am able to see that no, actually, God is able to use even moments when we were acting out of our own free will, out of our own rebellion-- and take all those and create a wonderful story out of all of it!
So I thought it might be good for me, and hopefully also for you, to share what God has done in my life in the past year:
1) He taught me where my worth comes from
On New Years of 2015, I decided to give up social media as my resolution. I was at a stage where I had just moved to New York and was literally pretending to be happy via social media but was actually very very sad on the inside. I was letting my identity be found in how many likes I got on posts or the amount of positive comments people would make on my photos… It took me a few months to realize I was being completely fake and inauthentic. I was struggling so much on the inside with my transition to the city and away from my usual support system. I knew I had to end this "being fake" dilemma, so I decided to do away with all of it.
It was one of the best decisions I made, ever. God grew me in that single year more than I've ever grown in my life.
Sure, it was scary to be alone with my own thoughts and to not spend my extra time in the day scrolling through posts or taking pictures to share. But it was during that time that I came to know God for who He truly is. And slowly but surely, my identity shifted from being defined by how many people's support I had on Facebook to how Jesus truly sees me despite all my flaws, past mistakes, or sadness.
2) He provided me with family in New York
How I ended up in New York is still beyond me. It's literally the craziest thing… I wake up every day and it's like I'm living a fairy tale. Most of you who follow me on Facebook are from home and knew me growing up-- so you probably know this about me-- I was a pretty shy child. I think I was the shyest person I knew growing up and this was a quality that didn't really leave me my whole time in Florida. Even during my two years at UF, I didn't make a single close friend. Lol I sound like such a loser. But anyways, what's amazing about this is that God instilled in me an absolute passion to move to this crazy big, and often deemed unfriendly city, despite my shyness! I somehow just knew that He would supply me with the Christian family I needed when I moved up here, if I would just trust Him.
And He did. The way I came to meet my now closest friends/ sisters in Christ/ also the connection to my wonderful boyfriend was on the SECOND DAY I WAS HERE. I was standing in line to get my NYU ID and overheard a guy talking to another student about a Christian fellowship on campus. I momentarily overcame my shyness and budged in the conversation, getting all the information for this club. The first time I attended their meeting, I met my now best friend in the city, Dehidanin Cuevas, and she befriended me with such a warmth that I will never forget. I became part of her bible study, which soon grew into a sisterhood and is now the closest friend group I've experienced in honestly an indescribable way. Those girls are the reason I made it through my first semester and they're the reason I returned to the city after Christmas break and my faith is as strong as it is today because of them. MARIAH NAOMI CELINA DESSI DEE AND YES YOU ALENA I LOVE YOU!
3) He answered prayers regarding my health
I never posted about this on social media, but this past year I spent like 7 months with my health up in the air. For almost 2 years, I knew my liver enzymes were elevated, but nobody could figure out why. My doctors back in Florida decided to keep a watch on it; but thanks be to God I had this grand idea of joining the triathlon team at NYU last fall; which caused my primary care doc at NYU to look further into it. Months of testing was done-- blood test after blood test, heart ultrasound, liver ultrasound, liver biopsy, endoscopy… It wasn't until February that I had an appointment with one of the city's (and thereby one of the country's) best liver doctors to tell me the final consensus. Meanwhile all these months I struggled with fear of becoming chronically ill or being in pain or really any worry the enemy could give me. I will say though, God's timing is really cool in that He gave me a new interesting guy to get to know during this time so I wouldn't be all-consumed by worries of my health (more on that later).
So anyways, February rolls around and the final consensus is that I have an autoimmune disease called Obliterative Portal Venopathy. Scary sounding words, but praise be to God for 2 years ago spotting my elevated enzymes, and for the doctors here that relentlessly worked to get to the bottom of my rare results! I am one of the youngest patients they have diagnosed with this disease and because they caught it so early, I can now live my young life carefully aware of the medication I take in and lifestyle I lead so as not to complicate my condition. The doctor told me that although this is a scary sounding diagnosis, I will NEVER BE IN PAIN because of it, and a simple procedure can be done when I am middle-aged to open my portal veins back up and keep my condition stable!
I'm very thankful for this blessing and for the growth I experienced during those months of being patient with the providers as they diligently sought a diagnosis. I believe this experience provided me insight of how it feels to be diagnosed with something chronic even when it feels like you're healthy, and how to trust God through it.
4) Running
If you've kept up with me this year, you probably notice how I've developed a passion for running. I just want to clarify something-- this is 100% a gift from God and a method that I try to use to worship Him. If you've known me awhile then you know that I've always been slim. But, don't be mistaken-- for 21 years of my life i was NEVER FIT. No really, I remember someone making fun of me in high school because I couldn't even manage one push up.
But running has been a unique way in which I've encountered God. I tried with my own might for awhile to run. It began last semester when I was training for my first mini triathlon (to put into perspective how mini of a triathlon it was, I only had to run one mile). But in the early spring I became frustrated with how hard it was for me to run and often chose to eat Nutella instead.
One day I remember calling my mom and complaining about how out of shape I felt and she suggested I just run it out. So I did. And I believe it was the Holy Spirit within me that told me to just keep going. So for the first time ever I ran 6 miles… and before I was struggling to even reach 2! It wasn't soon after that experience that I realized if I traded the dirty rap music for worship music during my run, I could actually achieve longer distances, and with relative ease.
I couldn't do one push up before… I am now training for a half-marathon.
5) The Sandman
To exclude my relationship from this post would be a crime because God has perhaps shown me the most this past year through a young man my friends have deemed "The Sandman." I have this vivid memory from when I first moved here of a friend telling me that God gives you the desires of your heart. It seems so simple now, but I had never heard such a crazy statement before. Back then, I really really wanted a relationship, and hopefully a relationship that honored Him. But, God is perfect in his timing and grew me through a year and a half of being single and living here and finding out who I was in Him. So of course it was in that one season of really feeling myself and having no worries in the world and really honestly not looking for any type of companion that Sanath came into the picture.
The best thing about this is, Sanath was actually a big crush I had when I first moved here! I remember a friend introducing us at church and immediately thinking he was so cute. And I even talked to my mom on the phone about this crush of mine and I never really talk to my mom about boys and she gave me some loving advice to smile at him from across the room next time (lol). Well that awkward glance across the room didn't work and we actually didn't get to know each other for another 18 months (because God is perfect in His timing & I really feel as if that is the true amount of time God needed to restore my heart and make me into the new young woman he intended me to be).
Anyways, I'd really forgotten about my crush on him when he came back into the picture. We've had this discussion several times and both of us really weren't seeking each other out but we feel as if God just placed us in each other's paths. And I'm so grateful! I've never met anyone who reflects Christ's kindness the way Sanath does. Anytime (and it's a lot of the time) that I am upset or confused or misled by my emotions, Sanath always points me back to Christ. I always thought relationships had to be really tough work in order for it to be worth it, but our relationship has taught me the peace of just walking through life with one another. I always thought you couldn't really expect intentionality from any boy under 25, but Sanath has proved himself a young man and God has blessed us with "honesty hours" and has woven our relationship with intentionality from the start. Thank you, Sanath for being my bud. You really are one of the biggest ways I can see God's faithfulness in the past year.
6) Nursing School/ Job Provision
God has been leading me in the direction of being a nurse since I was 18 right out of high school. But, I never really felt passionate about that future until literally last week.
Let me take a detour and tell you about God's faithfulness of bringing me to NYU nursing, if you haven't yet heard the story.
I grew up 15 mins away from the best college in the state. My dad and 3 of my brothers went there for college. Every fall Saturday during my childhood was spent on the University of Florida's campus; it was only natural that I would go there after high school, it's simply tradition. But from the get-go, I knew I might not make it into UF's Nursing school when junior year came around because I would need a 4.0 GPA, and although that was easy for me to attain during high school, medical school weed-out classes were the real deal. By sophomore year it became quite apparent to me (though my parents wouldn't take my word for it) that it was likely I would not get into UF's nursing program. So I explored my options around the state and sent out those applications; and in secret sent two applications to schools in New York.
Second side note: I've had a passion for New York since I was 12 years old, an age my mom deemed appropriate to show me the city for my birthday and perhaps one she regrets now. I will never forget my parents asking me during that trip if I could ever imagine myself living here (they were half joking), and I remember clear as day my response: YES.
Turns out, I didn't get into UF nor any nursing school in Florida and THE ONLY nursing programs I got into were in New York. Though it was the more expensive school, my heart was set on NYU for the wonderful education and experience and of course, living in the city. God was so gracious in giving me the support of my (outrageously expensive) education through my grandmother who affirmed she believed in me and I am so so so thankful for that provision!
But that is not where His provision stopped! I went into nursing school at a prestigious institution with the mindset that I'd really have to sacrifice a lot of studying and time and effort to nursing school, as I had never heard anybody say it was a pleasant experience. But actually, I had the easiest experience during school and really never struggled with the curriculum, thanks be to God! It seemed that God's provision truly was with me, even though I didn't feel too passionate about what I was doing.
This all changed a week ago.
I've been spending my summer applying to many ideal health care institutions and nursing positions that I envisioned myself enjoying. I had one grueling interview that lowered my confidence and other than that, have heard nothing for 3 months. Little did I know, God was trying to point me in a different direction.
After having some discussions regarding the matter and watching a great film about the topic of mental health, I sensed God showing me during my quiet time one day last week that I need to hone in on this topic of mental health. After 20 minutes of solid revelation from the Holy Spirit and just a pure stirring of my heart, I felt God clearly calling me to become a mental health nurse. I didn't have any doubts-- I knew this was Him speaking to me. So after praying, I picked up my laptop and searched every position I could find that met the criteria I felt He had provided me with. I sent out about 10 applications that day.
Several days later, I felt discouraged after a conversation with my Mom on the phone wondering if any job opportunities were going to happen. I expressed these worries to Sanath and felt frustrated when suddenly-- my phone buzzed. It was an email offering me an interview for a children's psych nurse at a Catholic-sponsered non profit mental health facility for children and families in the Bronx. A few days later I interviewed (with complete ease and provision over my dictation from the Holy Spirit), and a day later I was offered the job!
This is not what I expected at all but as my wonderful aunt likes to say, "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called!"
So all of this crazy long post is really just to say, GOD IS FAITHFUL. I hope you can see that in the stories I've shared with you. I hope you take a moment and see that in your own life.
I am so eager to begin this next chapter of my life with what I feel is a divine appointment from God, a unique calling made just for me. I hope you have found that calling that is unique to you as well, and if you haven't, I would encourage you to spend some time thoughtfully in prayer and honestly asking where God might want you to make your impact. In my case, He answers pretty promptly, and looking back on all these instances I've provided above, I have no reason to believe that He won't be faithful!
God Bless,
Miranda
