New York Life Lessons

I'm sitting on a big leather couch in this rad coffee shop that I just discovered which is playing the best playlist of 90s rock I've ever heard. It's a mildly warm/ slightly cool rainy day in New York City-- my favorite kind of day. You can walk around boldly without an umbrella because it's only drizzling, and you don't have to have a coat on because it's nearly 60. 

The barrista is in hysterics crying… I quickly search on google if we've been attacked… it doesn't seem so… maybe his girlfriend broke up with him?

It's so weird living in this mecca of culture, knowing any day it could be attacked. My approach is simple: avoid big events and popular places. 

I just felt compelled to write down the things New York has taught me thus far. 

I am amazed when I realize I was always meant to be here during this season of my life. I am saddened when I think of moving on from this crazy but amazing city in nearly 5 months. 

I don't think there's anywhere in the world that can prepare you to be an adult quite like New York City… I could be wrong.

Life Lessons from New York: 

1) Suck it up 

After my first experience crying on the subway during my second week here, I knew I never wanted to do it again. New York lacks personal space AND social graces-- something that sounds like an equation for disaster, but somehow it fits just right. I used to hate that I couldn't have my 2 minutes of peace here, or that I could never have a truly private conversation on the phone when I'm not at home, but it's taught me to toughen up in a lot of ways. Just the other day, I wanted to cry on the subway-- but i closed my eyes, and held it in. Repression is good sometimes? lol 

2) Don't give into the New Yorker stress-bug

There is a certain energy here, you hear people say it all the time. And indeed, it's true. Everybody's got somewhere to go, a deadline to meet-- and they're friggin' stressed about it. This is something I refuse to cave to. They say it's good to shake your core beliefs by throwing yourself into a different environment. Well I definitely rose to the challenge by coming from a population of 2500 to 8 million. But, one thing I've decided I will not relent on-- my chill attitude. The only thing that truly stresses me out, is stressed out people. I strive to advocate for laid-backness as much as I can. So many of my classmates constantly tell me they can't believe how calm I am. I think it's the secret to staying sane here. Just don't allow yourself to care too much-- it'll all be okay. 

3) You can definitely get immune to coffee

'Nuff said. I don't think my heart rises a beat from my crack of dawn cup of joe. 

4) 99cent pizza

Because why spend 15 dollars on any other meal around town?

5) A Levain cookie solves most problems

If I ever have to give myself incentive to complete an assignment, or have a tough day at the hospital, these cookies are all the motivation I need!

6) When in doubt, brunch it out

Because sunday carbs don't count

7) Just because you're a pedestrian does not mean you burn off that bowl of pasta

One of the most unfair conclusions of this lifestyle. You mean to tell me I walk my butt off every. single. day. At least 5 times more than you Floridians, and I don't shed a pound of fat? Yes, Miranda, that's precisely what I'm telling you. 

8) Patience is a virtue

You gotta learn to accept this one early or your life will be a living hell. To get anywhere in the city, allow a minimum of 30 minutes. Always. Period. End of story. 

9) Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate

There are some angry people in New York. It just is what it is. You're going to occasionally bump into someone on the sidewalk, or cross the road a few seconds too late, or just be somewhere at the exact moment that an inconsiderate New Yorker doesn't want you there. And you will receive the F word. And you just gotta shake it off, shake it off. 

10) The faster you walk, the quicker you'll get there

All my life in Florida, I was the slowest walker ever. People would always complain of my pace. Then I understood what 20 degrees and sleet almost every winter day felt like. 

11) 55 degrees is pleasant, not cold 

Florida, just because it got to 40 at 2 am does not mean it was cold at 12 noon-- in fact it was 75 at 12 noon, wasn't it?

12) The world is a really big place 

If New York has taught me anything, it's that anything is possible-- and you should always keep exploring and stretching your comfort zone.

Peace & Love, 

Rambo

Haiti

Home again, home again, jiggidy jig.

um… I mean-- New York again, New York again, hustledy bustle.

That was lame.

Anyways, regardless, I am back in the States. 

My week in Haiti was eye-opening, to say the least. I spent the whole first day just kind of in shock at the poverty. We delivered clean water to the poorest neighborhoods of City Soleil, each huge truck of clean water costing 5 US dollars. Yeah. 

Each time we arrived to deliver the water, we were greeted by dozens of small voices chanting, "Hey you! Hey you!." I didn't really know what to think when I was getting off the tap-tap and there were children just swarming and reaching to be held-- most half-naked, some in their birthday suit. 

What could I do but embrace as many as I was physically capable of?

The first child I picked up kicked or punched any other boy or girl that would approach me. The desperation was real. 

The next day was a little more my speed. I took part in a wound clinic that the nuns hold 3 times a week throughout the community. Getting to the wound clinic was a story in itself. 3 of my team members and I shoved in the back of a Toyota SUV with two nuns, a Haitian volunteer, and another American volunteer. We drove through what looked like an umbrella city. Umbrellas and tents everywhere, people swarming all over the place, and somehow our vehicle driving right through the middle of it. 

We held the clinic, no joke, in the middle of an alley. All my nursing school instincts were telling me hand hygiene! But that wasn't really an option. 

After one demonstration of how to treat the wounds from one of the sisters, we were thrown right into it. And to my own surprise, I went to work without hesitancy. I had no problem with any of it. I was just in the zone and focused. After about a half hour I realized my face was literally raining sweat onto the poor guy's legs I was hunched over working on. 

2 hours later, all the patients had received fresh dressings (and there were a lot of them). 

That particular experience was one in which I felt I really contributed my part. 

We were able to see the village which the organization I went with, Healing Haiti, established. It has a foster-home type of set up with several houses having a mother & father figure parenting several kids. They have their own church, cafeteria, school, medical & dental clinic. One new addition to the school was the library, which one boy about 10 years old was excited about and supposedly visits every day to teach himself English. 

On that same day, we went to visit 5 elders that Healing Haiti keeps in touch with. Members of my team were able to wash them and treat their skin with lotion (I'm not scared of nasty wounds, but deathly afraid of old people--makes a lot of sense), while the rest of us sang worship songs with what became our traveling band. 

We were able to visit a couple of orphanages and share faith lessons with them. This was a really neat experience for me, especially with the first visit. As I approached the orphanage, I was immediately greeted and embraced by a girl about the age of 13. As the visit continued, I just felt the Spirit leading me to shower this girl with love. I can't really describe the connection we had, but it was just joyful. 

So those were the highlights of the week. I don't really know what else to say. I feel like I didn't do enough to actually make a difference. The poverty is overwhelming. And coming back here, especially to New York City, everything just seems so…available, dispensable, meaningless. 

The one thing I will say though, is that the faith of Haiti as a nation is remarkable. On every single taxi there is the name of Jesus! Imagine that in the Big Apple! There'd be a riot, for sure. 

In general, I am reminded of Matthew 23:12

"For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

God Bless Haiti

Another One (school year) Bites the Dust

I made it!

I can't believe I am on a plane back home after a whole school year at NYU.

As I stepped out of my dorm building this morning into the 65 degree (hallelujah) morning air, I found myself immediately missing the city before I had even left it. I promptly reminded myself that I'll be back in a mere 2.5 weeks. 

My nursing semester ended last week, but I had to stay in town for a singing exam I had yesterday evening. The past 7 days have honestly been some of the best days of my life (second only to all my memories from this past summer in Italy.)

I have rekindled my flame with traveling by going to DC, explored the city and sat in the SUN for hours, rode a bus from the top of Central Park all the way down 5th avenue to campus just for the heck of it (nearly 100 streets), ran outside several times b/c the weather finally permits, and have been able to play my best role that I inherited from my mom ("hostess with the mostess")--having friends over last night for our "last supper". 

These past few weeks have served as such a period of reflection for me. I am so incredibly thankful that God knew what he was doing by bringing this small town girl to New York City of all places. If I have learned anything in this first year, it is that He has big plans for me. And I don't deserve any of it-- but, I humbly accept the role He's given me in this thing we call life, and can't wait to see where He leads me next. 

I think back to who I was this time last year, or even this time at the end of last semester-- and I know for a fact that I am not the same girl. And it's a good thing.

For the past several years, I have really struggled with being comfortable in my own skin-- not necessarily in a physical appearance sense, but just seeking others' approval and taking whatever others say about me as the truth-- letting those things define me.

And don't get me wrong!-- those things weren't always bad. My whole life, my parents have showered me with love and praise which I am so grateful for, and I needed it. But for the first time in my life, I respect what they think and their opinion, and recognize that they know me to the core-- but if they tell me how proud they are of me and how great I am and I don't believe that about myself, it means nothing. 

This year, I've had to learn how to live without my Brady Bunch of a family right around the corner to lean on and learn from. And at some point I became so fed up with who I was that I had to "take the bull by the horns" and just… change. 

And I give all credit to Jesus Christ that I was able to successfully make that change.

I was strong this year, but it's because He constantly told me to be and gave me the added strength I needed to simply get through the day. 

Eventually, the struggle just evaporated and the long-awaited smile appeared on my face. 

Can you believe that 8 months ago I was on a similar flight home thinking I would never return to this "hell-hole" of a city? It's comical the way God works. I'm so glad He told me to come back, be patient and just trust.

I'm literally falling in love with this city now. I have become part of it. All the things I used to hate about it, I now adore. 

I love that I walk miles upon miles every day. I love that I'm surrounded by people all the time and yet, always in my own little world-- listening to my music as loud as I want and drumming the beat on my suitcase while waiting for the subway if I so please. I love that, for the most part, the culture of the city is accepting and the "you do you" attitude just radiates throughout every street corner. I love that the subway is like a whole other world and has it's own unwritten but universally understood rules and regulations. I love that it's rude to look people in the eye because it just cracks me up, honestly. I love that if you remember to look up, there's beauty in much of the architecture. I love that a bunch of yankees squeeze in a public park like a can of sardines just to appreciate the first day of Spring.

I do NOT love the cold weather. 

But, like that dark season of my life that has now passed, so has the winter.

And I am joyful about it.

Four seasons may suck but at least when summer finally comes I'm much more appreciative of it than I would be in Florida. 

When I think about it, I realize I fell in love with this city the way you fall in real love. First, I was attracted on a surface-layer: for the shopping, the skyline, the lights, and the warm-fuzzy feeling it gave me when I visited. But later, a lot of imperfect things about the city were brought to my attention-- yet, I was kinda already in too deep. And instead of running away, I decided to love the city despite its flaws. 

But what I love even more than the city is the person I've become-- because I fought to become her. 

To God be the Glory

(and see most of you soon!)

- Miranda

DC

So, I went to DC this weekend! My good friend Dessi joined me, and I'm so glad we went.

We were super productive and I had the best food since Italy!! (a great success story, in my book)

We saw all the monuments and walked 14 miles on the first day. (that's a whole meal in burned-off calories, my friend)

struggling, lol

Because a red, white & blue pop was just necessary.

 Check out these gorgeous flowers at Arlington Cemetery. It amazes me that a color that vibrant can occur naturally. 

I think the thing that surprised me most was that things are so. spread. out. 

Like, it's not a walkable city. 

Bikable? for sure. Walkable? Not a chance.

We rented bikes Sunday morning, which was super fun and so much easier than the marathon walking the day prior. 

After docking our bikes, we went for brunch near Capitol Hill at a place called Ted's Bulletin. Homemade pop tarts and white russian milkshakes. 'Nuff said. 

Walking down 8th street in the Capitol Hill neighborhood.

Okay, so this carousel is really important to me. Fun fact, I was named after a character in the movie, "Chances Are," which is based in DC. Once of the best scenes in the movie is filmed at this carousel (across from the Smithsonian). So, naturally, I had to take a picture for the 'rents. 

The only memorial we didn't cover on Saturday was the Jefferson Memorial-- but, on our way there Sunday, we ran into paddle boats. 

Being out on water is the bestttt. A much needed spontaneous adventure for these Florida gals. 

We also checked out the metro on Sunday… which looked more like Space Mountain or the Men in Black ride at Universal than any resemblance of the good ole' subway here in NYC.

We both found it very interesting that a city could exist without skyscrapers or trash on every corner. 

Mind-blowing, really.

I chose to visit DC mainly because I believe spontaneity is one of the greatest joys in life, but also because I'm on the hunt for a good place to work when I graduate…….. wait for it…… this time next year!

But.

I think. I may have. Been bitten. By the NYC bug.

What can I say? There's nothing like it.

:)

- Miranda

Healing Haiti

Hey everybody! 

I just wanted to share with you that I will be going on a week long mission trip this summer to Haiti.

The way it all came together was quite interesting.

Roughly two years ago, while singing in the choir on a Sunday morning, I had a vision of me using my nursing skills for mission work.

Since then, it's not a topic I've really thought about… Until about mid-February this year. This particular week (valentines week) I had missions really on my mind, but when I looked up the opportunities that my campus ministry offered, they were all right in the middle of my summer semester.

What to do, what to do?

I laid the thought aside for just a bit, until I attended a conference with my campus ministry that weekend in Massachusetts. Within the conference, there was a workshop all about missions-- it was during this workshop that I knew the Lord was really wanting me to find a way to be a part of a mission trip this summer. I didn't think God understood-- I only had less than a month of a summer before I began nursing school again, what mission trip could possibly fit into this time slot?

The following wednesday at our fellowship night, a guest speaker was there to speak about… you guessed it… MISSIONS.

I was very exhausted that night, but decided I had to at least speak to the lady and share with her my new found dilemma. She referred me to another woman present at that meeting who had the perfect organization for me-- Healing Haiti. I had not really given much thought at all to what location I wanted to do missions, but once this woman shared with me that the organization sends out groups every week of the year, I knew Haiti must be the place.

When I got home that night, I immediately turned in my application for the one week that would work with my schedule, not even informing my parents about the decision. The next day, I received an email from the coordinator that my application has been accepted and I will be accompanying a group of believers from Minnesota. 

This group has been so loving towards my spontaneity and it's actually pretty cool because most of us are of a younger generation-- something the coordinator expressed was rare.

I will be doing a variety of things during my time in Haiti: delivering clean water, visiting schools, interacting with nursing home patients, and distributing food and supplies. 

I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for my time in Haiti-- a place He obviously wants me to be. 

If you would like to be a part in this adventure and help me help Haiti, you can visit this link.

https://app.managedmissions.com/MyTrip/mirandafugate1
Will definitely be posting about my experience in just over a month!

Love,

Miranda

To God Be The Glory

“Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different…”- C.S. Lewis

Today marks the fourth Easter of my walk with Jesus. And I have to say, like Winn Dixie, each year gets better all the time.

This time last year, I would've never believed you if you told me I'd be living in NYC a year from now.

YOU CRAZY.

But I have passed the pinch test, this is real, this is not a dream.

In the same token, if my present self could go back to last year's Miranda and tell her all the trials she was going to face in the upcoming year, I would laugh and probz stick my nose up in the air.

That's the beauty of this day, it reminds us where we've been and who we used to be, and how much, by the grace of God, we've been changed.

Just this past week I experienced an immense peace that I had never experienced before. I recognized it as the Holy Spirit literally dwelling in me. It's like I had finally given up the selfish fight and decided to trust God with absolutely everything. Things that used to worry me didn't phase me anymore. Malice and pain I used to harbor inside me were no longer there. Regrets were present, but faded, and a whole new realm of possibilities was presented to me.

What divine timing! That God would choose this week specifically to show me the immense freedom that the cross provides.

I must admit, I encountered a day this week where I decided, "Imma just follow my own will today as an experiment and see if this feeling leaves me." Sure enough, my spirit was not at peace. Reflecting on this now, I realize this was all a lesson, with the main topic being obedience.

When we are obedient to God's divine wisdom, we nourish those fruits of the Spirit-- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Yet when we follow something even as simple as our will for the day, we starve those fruits and instead feed the beast of the flesh.

This was just my lesson of the week! Can you imagine what all the Lord has done for me in this past year?

I have learned that no one can love me the way Christ does, and that it's meant to be that way. I have learned that Christ's love is indeed everlasting-- in both times of my devotion and times of my rebellion. I have learned that nothing is over until He says so. I have learned that He has plans for us that far exceeds our expectations, so why not trust in Him? I have learned that even through our perilous mistakes, He can take the broken and make them beautiful.

I stand (type) here before you admitting that even though I have been tremendously blessed with my dream come true this year, I have spent much of it in the utmost heartbreak, although I tried to fake-it-till-I-made-it as best as possible on social media. I was trying my best to get myself through all the emotions; it wasn't until recently that I finally realized my best was never going to be enough. I simply had to surrender it all to Him.

And now, by the grace of God, and in his own perfect timing, I feel whole again. More whole than I've ever felt. I am surrounded by Christian friends in the middle of New York City. I have surpassed all my fears about nursing school and my future and feel a blessed assurance that I am in the right place, at the right time, surrounded by the right people, attending the right church, and the list goes on...

I say none of this to intimidate anyone but to simply extend the invitation.

I wonder if you, too, have been through a personal struggle this year that has worn you pretty thin? I'm here to encourage you that this struggle--no matter how daunting it may seem, no matter how much of yourself you feel you have lost--can be used as an immense blessing if you would have the courage to hand it over to Jesus, the first abstract artist.

I have the immense blessing of being able to go to a rockin' church service that straight up feels like a revival every Sunday (What is, Hillsong NYC?)

They've recently introduced two new songs that I'm obsessed with

Touch the Sky

and

To God Be The Glory

I'd encourage you to listen to them ASAP

but for now, here's some of the lyrics I really identify with

(from Touch the Sky)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1RQciil7B0

I got so high to fall so far

But I found heaven as love swept low

My heart beating, my soul breathing

I found my life when I laid it down

Upward falling, spirit soaring

I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

What treasure waits within Your scars

This gift of freedom gold can't buy

I bought the world and sold my heart

You traded heaven to have me again

I take so much comfort in the realization that Jesus traded the greatness of heaven to come down and save ME. Insane in the membrane.

(from To God Be the Glory)

I live that the name of Jesus be lifted high

With Christ, risen from death to life

No longer I

But You alone

To God be the Glory

Such vibes.

Peace and Love (and Christ),

Miranda

I Can See Clearly Now

It's funny how the timing of this world works.

Less than a week ago, I was on a bus back to my apartment, staring out at 2nd avenue, thinking to myself, "I am finally getting used to this place. I think I truly can make it until December."

Little did I know that just two days later I would receive a phone call that would rock my world, and I would need to return home very soon. 

You see, when I left back for the city at the end of winter break, I had decided I was quitting Florida cold turkey. Just when I would begin getting used to the city and the way of life there, I would come back to the country and become immensely confused with life.

Who am I? Where do I belong? Where is my home? I found myself calling New York my home to many people over Christmas, and they would give me condescending looks...

Many country songs have pondered the very question I've been rattling in my brain-- By taking the girl out of the honky tonk, is the honky tonk taken out of the girl?

According to my immense life experience-- I have found it depends on where the girl is at that very moment.

When I come back home, I feel like the movie Sweet Home Alabama is my life. 

I am one version of me in the city and I am a different version of me in the south. I wish I could morph those two people together but it's like oil and vinegar--they don't mix. 

So I made a game plan in January to figure this crap out. I was bound and determined to find myself no matter what it took. I would stop social media, and stay a thousand miles away from everyone who loves me for the next ten months, I would invest myself in my schoolwork and my new friends and I would learn to appreciate the city.

And for the most part, I carried that plan out rather successfully until I found myself on a plane at JFK Sunday night, to return home and honor a man that meant so much to me. 

Things have been different this trip. I woke up Monday and went on a run in my neighborhood, realizing I'd been lying to myself that living in 20 degrees for the past 2 months was fine when I could be basking in these 70 degree Florida mornings. 

I was able to see people I love and grew up with and genuinely tell them I'm enjoying myself in the city. I spent all day yesterday in my beloved second hometown, Cedar Key, lying on the "beach," failing to consider that feet which haven't been roaming around Florida in flip flops for the past 6 months probably require some SPF protection.  

I was able to shop in the Target dollar section which is a blessed event I look forward to, since the only Target in Manhattan is all the way up in Harlem (further and sketchier than you realize), and was able to laugh at myself for still not knowing how to navigate Butler Plaza after 20 years. 

Something that I love to do when driving back home from Gainesville in warm weather is ride down Mr. Philpot's road. It's honestly my favorite road in the whole world--- 10xs better than any street in the city. 

As I drove, the song "I Can See Clearly Now" came on. 

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)

Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)

Sun-Shiny day.

The lyrics were hitting home (no pun intended). Though the obstacles in my life haven't magically disappeared; for some reason, this trip home has helped me to identify them more clearly. 

And I think a combination of this being a classic song as well as driving past his house made me wonder what Mr. Philpot would say. 

And suddenly I knew.

He would ask why the heck I was avoiding the place and people that I love. He'd probably tell me straight up-- that is stupid.

He'd also tell me to keep being myself and to keep loving people. 

I think he would tell me people changing is a part of growing up, but at the same time to always be true to myself.

My intention is not to be morbid, but I think I learned my last life lesson from Mr. Philpot this week... and I'm thankful for it.

Dear Mr. Philpot

Dear Mr. Philpot,

I love you.

Though my eyes are brimmed with tears, my heart overflows with joy as I am confident about where you are right now. 

You were my hero in so many ways.

You taught me that being passionate about something is a good thing, and encouraged me to never give up.

You showed me and many others the love of Christ through selfless and unconditional love. 

You gave me an undying love for the National FFA Organization.

You encouraged me to be who I am--  to be a leader, and not a follower.

You lead me outside of my comfort zone so many times-- forcing me to give my speech to a bunch of uninterested juniors and seniors until I got it just right.

You demonstrated patience when I needed it, and discipline when I needed that. 

You taught me that if I did my best, then that's all I could do. But, if I didn't do my best, then why complain-- that's my own fault, work harder next time. Actions speak louder than words. 

You showed me that life doesn't have to be so serious--that humor is a good thing.

We shared our love for good eats-- although if you were here, you would still argue with me that a ribeye is the best cut of beef and I would argue for the filet.

You showed me that happiness is an essential part of life. And around you, I don't think anyone was ever unhappy (unless they were being scolded :))

I think very few people in this world can see right through me (at least I hope) but somehow, I always knew that you could. If I was doing something that didn't make me happy, you didn't have to voice your disapproval-- I could just see it in your eyes.

You taught me that we may all have our opinions, but sometimes it's wise to just keep it to ourself. 

Although you yourself were known to be outspoken, you would never say something to intentionally bring somebody else down. I believe you saw the best in everybody.

To be honest, I had no idea this day would come.

I imagined you being one of those people I would see at my wedding.

But all the sudden. Boom. You're gone.

And although I am so happy for you to be where you are now, I must say I will miss you dearly.

I thought you would be there for me to periodically have lunch dates with for the majority of my adult life.

I thank you for all our Ivy House outings, and for caring enough to consistently check up on me since I graduated. 

But I will miss your wisdom. I will miss your world view. I will miss your hugs and I will miss your laugh and I will miss the light that was always in your eyes. 

I think the hardest part of all of this is realizing all I have left now are a few pictures and memories-- and knowing that those memories may fade away. 

But for now, the memories are vivid. You blaring Pirates of the Carribean music in your truck on the way to Meats competitions, walking around Winn Dixie and quizzing us on all the cuts of meat, having a pep talk before every Parli Pro competition, giving me a warm hug when that girl slammed the door at State Convention and I completely forgot my speech, calling me crazy for getting chicken at Sonny's after every meats competition, calling me "Top-Knot" when I had embarrassingly short hair and wore it in a bun,

"are you afflicted?"

"that's your seat until the Lord comes back!"

"mean spirited!"

Mr. Philpot, you're a legend in both the Williston community and Florida FFA. And the best part about it is I don't believe you ever intended to be one.

I wish I could be selfish and say this loss is so personal but you've had a unique impact on so many people-- your love didn't have limits. 

But I just wanted you to know that I appreciate the impact you've had on my life, I love you, and I will dearly miss you.

You told everyone "be safe" when they left your presence. And now you've left ours, undoubtedly as safe as can be.

But until then, Mr. Philpot, I'll be safe… and will see you soon.

Love, 

Miranda

(You Betta) Lose Yourself

You might wonder why I haven't posted anything for awhile.
In short: I had an quarter-life crisis.

Since winter break, life has been simultaneously drawn out and a blur. I have begun my nursing program and my routine has become study, sleep, cry… and repeat! What a whirlwind.
Last semester was such a luxury. I had three classes and explored the city on the daily. Now, I've begun to wonder why I even live in the greatest city in the world when it looks like I'll be trapped inside with my nose in the books for the next 18 months.
Sigh.

But then there's those moment when you do go outside...
And the Chrysler building is just right. there.
I think back to when I was fifteen years old. I wanted so bad to be in college already. So I could do what I want, so I could date who I want, so I could live on my own, and never make my bed (because making a bed that you're just going to get back into that night is useless.)

Never did I ever imagine that at the mere age of twenty I would be living in the city of my dreams.

That I would be walking down the street on a cold night such as this with the best cup of hot chocolate in my hand, staring at the Chrysler building like it's no big deal.
Never did I ever imagine I would be riding with a car full of great friends in Queens looking back on the Manhattan skyline and think "Wow. I live there."

I flash back to a perfect night in Cedar Key, Florida. The last night of winter break before I flew back to the city. Staring at the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen.

I expressed my melancholy mood to my mom.
"It's like...
You're in Rome and you dream of New York
You're in New York and dream of Cedar Key
You're in Cedar Key and dream of New York…"
She told me this state was called discontentment with self.

So who am I, to be staring at my favorite building, living out my dream, and not loving every second of it?
That's just it. I don't know who I am.

I'm now in college. I don't have time to do what I want, my last concern is dating, I miss living with my family, and I make my bed almost every day...
Is there a conclusion to this blog other than "such is life"?

As humans, we are adapting creatures. I feel myself adapting. Sometimes, I take one step forward, and three steps back. What's important is that I continue stepping forward, no matter the drawbacks that come with life, because everything in life can be turned into a lesson.

And so I designate this the "T. Swift" stage of my life.
Just like her, I'm finding myself to be slowly falling in love with the city-- and with who I am becoming.

Peace and Love,
Miranda

P.S. I am no longer on social media (part of the early life crisis regime), so please leave any comments directly on the blog if you want me to see them :)