I made it!
I can't believe I am on a plane back home after a whole school year at NYU.
As I stepped out of my dorm building this morning into the 65 degree (hallelujah) morning air, I found myself immediately missing the city before I had even left it. I promptly reminded myself that I'll be back in a mere 2.5 weeks.
My nursing semester ended last week, but I had to stay in town for a singing exam I had yesterday evening. The past 7 days have honestly been some of the best days of my life (second only to all my memories from this past summer in Italy.)
I have rekindled my flame with traveling by going to DC, explored the city and sat in the SUN for hours, rode a bus from the top of Central Park all the way down 5th avenue to campus just for the heck of it (nearly 100 streets), ran outside several times b/c the weather finally permits, and have been able to play my best role that I inherited from my mom ("hostess with the mostess")--having friends over last night for our "last supper".
These past few weeks have served as such a period of reflection for me. I am so incredibly thankful that God knew what he was doing by bringing this small town girl to New York City of all places. If I have learned anything in this first year, it is that He has big plans for me. And I don't deserve any of it-- but, I humbly accept the role He's given me in this thing we call life, and can't wait to see where He leads me next.
I think back to who I was this time last year, or even this time at the end of last semester-- and I know for a fact that I am not the same girl. And it's a good thing.
For the past several years, I have really struggled with being comfortable in my own skin-- not necessarily in a physical appearance sense, but just seeking others' approval and taking whatever others say about me as the truth-- letting those things define me.
And don't get me wrong!-- those things weren't always bad. My whole life, my parents have showered me with love and praise which I am so grateful for, and I needed it. But for the first time in my life, I respect what they think and their opinion, and recognize that they know me to the core-- but if they tell me how proud they are of me and how great I am and I don't believe that about myself, it means nothing.
This year, I've had to learn how to live without my Brady Bunch of a family right around the corner to lean on and learn from. And at some point I became so fed up with who I was that I had to "take the bull by the horns" and just… change.
And I give all credit to Jesus Christ that I was able to successfully make that change.
I was strong this year, but it's because He constantly told me to be and gave me the added strength I needed to simply get through the day.
Eventually, the struggle just evaporated and the long-awaited smile appeared on my face.
Can you believe that 8 months ago I was on a similar flight home thinking I would never return to this "hell-hole" of a city? It's comical the way God works. I'm so glad He told me to come back, be patient and just trust.
I'm literally falling in love with this city now. I have become part of it. All the things I used to hate about it, I now adore.
I love that I walk miles upon miles every day. I love that I'm surrounded by people all the time and yet, always in my own little world-- listening to my music as loud as I want and drumming the beat on my suitcase while waiting for the subway if I so please. I love that, for the most part, the culture of the city is accepting and the "you do you" attitude just radiates throughout every street corner. I love that the subway is like a whole other world and has it's own unwritten but universally understood rules and regulations. I love that it's rude to look people in the eye because it just cracks me up, honestly. I love that if you remember to look up, there's beauty in much of the architecture. I love that a bunch of yankees squeeze in a public park like a can of sardines just to appreciate the first day of Spring.
I do NOT love the cold weather.
But, like that dark season of my life that has now passed, so has the winter.
And I am joyful about it.
Four seasons may suck but at least when summer finally comes I'm much more appreciative of it than I would be in Florida.
When I think about it, I realize I fell in love with this city the way you fall in real love. First, I was attracted on a surface-layer: for the shopping, the skyline, the lights, and the warm-fuzzy feeling it gave me when I visited. But later, a lot of imperfect things about the city were brought to my attention-- yet, I was kinda already in too deep. And instead of running away, I decided to love the city despite its flaws.
But what I love even more than the city is the person I've become-- because I fought to become her.
To God be the Glory
(and see most of you soon!)
- Miranda
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