(September 5, 2014)
Today, I was told by a friend that it is essential that I sit down and figure out what I want in life.
What I want for myself.
Of the 20 years I've lived, I've always expected New York City to be my biggest and most fulfilling goal of life.
And here I am. Much earlier than I expected, in just that place.
And although I would agree that 14 days probably is not a justifiable amount of time to reach this conclusion, I have nevertheless concluded that I have no desire to live here the rest of my life.
And then the next morning I had a thought
This city is a place of opportunity, on so many different levels
And then the same afternoon I'm on a flight homeward bound. A round trip, with a flight destined to return to this hell hole on Monday. The big question, will I return with the plane?
I am at a big crossroad.
Like Broadway and 7th ave.
Times Square.
My mind is racing in a million directions just like the people in that horridly overcrowded place.
One road leads to success, education, a job but perhaps- the biggest depression of my life.
The other road promises familiarity, NATURE, people that love me, and the biggest uncertainty of my life-- not following my dream.
I am in love with Rainbow River. I am in love with being a Florida Gator. I am in love with the muck fartish smell of Cedar Key. I am in love with God's greatest creation which in my opinion is the state of Florida.
And you know what I'm not in love with? I'm not in love with yankee men who dress like they're way too in touch with their feminine side. I'm not in love with man made parks that are only a square block big and are filled with the smell of urine and surrounded by 50 something story buildings. I'm not in love with the lack of manners and hospitality, even if I'm paying you 12 freaking dollars for my lunch AND tip. I'm not in love with the lack of privacy and down right claustrophobic society.
My God has made millions of places more beautiful than New York freaking City.
And what caused all of this?
When was the actual moment I decided to book a flight and run away?
The conclusion of the very first time I had watched Forest Gump all the way through-- approximately 12:35 this afternoon.
Maybe it was him running cross country, I was so envious of his views I could've screamed right there in the theater.
So I went home. And I can't express to you how close I came to staying.
Sunday night, I went to sleep in my [king ;(] bed with full intentions of waking up the next morning and paying the College of Central Florida a visit, to enroll in their nursing program.
But Monday morning I woke up with a heavy feeling on my heart. A feeling that said "I know you're an emotional wreck right now but YOU MUST RETURN."
I let that feeling swell on me for about 2 minutes and then, naturally, ignored it and missed my flight back to the city, as planned.
But a couple hours later I spoke with my best friend on the phone and by the end of the conversation I knew I had to return. Everything Bonnie brought to the table during our conversation lined up with what was heavy on my heart when I woke up that morning.
I had made my decision; and an immense peace filled my spirit.
(present day)
New York is still tough. It didn't take an etiquette class over the weekend.
And I know all of this sounds like a silly girl overexercising her female prerogative to constantly change her mind...
But what happened Monday morning was a God thing, and I believe that with all my heart.
So,
I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways, I will acknowledge Him, and He shall direct my paths.
I'm exactly where God wants me right now.
So yeah...
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